English Assignment is actually making me lol...

        Ok, so I'm reading diary entries of an English naval officer, Samuel Pepys. basically the first entry was about killing King Charles I and showing his guts to a cheering crowd... after that is when the shenanigans begins. wait.... that was shenanigans, never mind that. So anyways, as the coronation begins for King Charles II, all the knights and noblemen make their toasts with wine and the new king is sworn in by the bishops at the Abbey (MEGACHURCHINOLDTIMES). So the knights ride off all drunk and shit and shit lets loose. there's something like 10,000 people drinking and eating as much as they can, PARTYING HARD. There were like twenty-four violinists... WHO NEEDS THAT MANY?! FUCK.
        After that there was this huge fucking storm which all the crazy religious people thought was God punishing them for their party shenanigans and such. But their wrong, because God's not real, HAHA! Anyways.... Pepys ends out staying out really late cause he can't get home in the crowd... of course.. Then there's something about him drinking a pot of ale... A POT OF ALE.... POT.... that's a shit load right? No... he drinks much more later apparently somehow, which I call shenanigans on. So he drinks this "pot" of ale at this pub where there was an after-after party and then leaves that place to go see some bitching bonfires (who doesn't love some bonfires?!). Take into consideration... this late out and there's still like just the same amount of people out.
        Eventually he sends his wife and her friend home, cause hell if he could bang her without throwing up at this point, and he goes to an after-after-after party with two of his 17th century buddies to drink even fucking more... so they raid this wine cellar and all drink till they throw up everywhere and pass out. they then wake up in their vomit with terrible 17th century hangovers.
        During all of this shit taking place, a Serjeant's horse fell over on him and killed him, a kid threw a firecracker as some chick's face and blew her eye/face off... I bullshit you not, All I added were some F-bombs in there.... They partied like some mad cunts....mad cunts.... HAHA where the fuck does that originate??!
Questions:

1. Did the horse survive?
2. how much piss in the street resulted from this thing?
3. A FUCKING POT?! what was a pot back then?!

So yeah, this is how I plan to study for my English class this year so I do better... I'm going to actually read the shit and post it in a comical sense on here (is there a better way to say that?)